Being a parent requires responsibility even when it comes to choosing the right words to deliver to your child. We have to keep in mind that those words will change a child’s worldview and can affect their moral development. So before uttering words or phrases, we should understand that there are things we shouldn’t say to our kids, especially after divorce.
“You Should Listen To Adults”
In all fairness, not all adults are capable of decision making, and most of us create mistakes we often can’t handle. In a relationship issue, adults are more one-sided, and that leads a misconception that a child must follow everything that we tell him to do. It’s dangerous in the kid’s part because he’ll quickly acknowledge trusting even the wrong things we say to him. Therefore, it will be hard for him to identify if that particular adult instruction is going to be bad or good for him.
“You’re Too Young To Understand”
Yes, the issue of divorce may be hard for the kid. However, he has the right to know why his parents are ending their relationship. It doesn’t have to be detailed and specific; he just needs to understand why some relationships don’t work. A child that openly knows how his parents got separated will have a more comprehensive understanding and acceptance of his surrounding’s imperfections.
“It’s All Your Fault”
No kid has ever wished to get blamed for his parent’s divorce, and it will not make him a better person once it happens. Blaming a child for the inconsistency of your relationship is something stupid and out of boundary. The child has nothing to do with your failed marriage because you and your partner created mistakes in the first place. It was never his fault that you can’t handle your marriage the way you wanted to.
“You Have To Choose”
It’s probably the worst thing to say to your child after your divorce. It is merely an example of parental alienation. A child is not obliged to choose between his parents and the fact that both of them have equal rights, they have to spend equal time and effort for the sake of the kid. It is the type of phrase that severely damages a child’s perception towards his needs for development.
“Stop Crying And Quit Whining”
Though we want our child to understand that some relationships end, we should not interfere with his emotions. We have to let him feel the pain and allow him to show it in a sense that will make him emotionally strong. Stopping a child from crying can make him silent and withdrawn because lack of emotion will soon manifest aggression. At some point, he might develop a mental disorder when it gets worse.
Your marital relationship problems are common in the society, and as long you know how to handle your issues, there’s probably nothing to worry about. However, the involvement of your child’s development should become your priority even after you decided to end your relationship. Therefore, always make sure that you know the right words to say and be cautious on the wrong ones.