The Things You Should Never Say To Your Kids Even After A Failed Marriage

Being a parent requires responsibility even when it comes to choosing the right words to deliver to your child. We have to keep in mind that those words will change a child’s worldview and can affect their moral development. So before uttering words or phrases, we should understand that there are things we shouldn’t say to our kids, especially after divorce.

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“You Should Listen To Adults” 

In all fairness, not all adults are capable of decision making, and most of us create mistakes we often can’t handle. In a relationship issue, adults are more one-sided, and that leads a misconception that a child must follow everything that we tell him to do. It’s dangerous in the kid’s part because he’ll quickly acknowledge trusting even the wrong things we say to him. Therefore, it will be hard for him to identify if that particular adult instruction is going to be bad or good for him.

“You’re Too Young To Understand”

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Yes, the issue of divorce may be hard for the kid. However, he has the right to know why his parents are ending their relationship. It doesn’t have to be detailed and specific; he just needs to understand why some relationships don’t work. A child that openly knows how his parents got separated will have a more comprehensive understanding and acceptance of his surrounding’s imperfections. 

“It’s All Your Fault”

No kid has ever wished to get blamed for his parent’s divorce, and it will not make him a better person once it happens. Blaming a child for the inconsistency of your relationship is something stupid and out of boundary. The child has nothing to do with your failed marriage because you and your partner created mistakes in the first place. It was never his fault that you can’t handle your marriage the way you wanted to. 

“You Have To Choose”

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It’s probably the worst thing to say to your child after your divorce. It is merely an example of parental alienation. A child is not obliged to choose between his parents and the fact that both of them have equal rights, they have to spend equal time and effort for the sake of the kid. It is the type of phrase that severely damages a child’s perception towards his needs for development. 

“Stop Crying And Quit Whining”

Though we want our child to understand that some relationships end, we should not interfere with his emotions. We have to let him feel the pain and allow him to show it in a sense that will make him emotionally strong. Stopping a child from crying can make him silent and withdrawn because lack of emotion will soon manifest aggression. At some point, he might develop a mental disorder when it gets worse.

Your marital relationship problems are common in the society, and as long you know how to handle your issues, there’s probably nothing to worry about. However, the involvement of your child’s development should become your priority even after you decided to end your relationship. Therefore, always make sure that you know the right words to say and be cautious on the wrong ones. 

 

How Substance Abuse of Parents Affects Children

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Drug abuse and substance abuse have been a long problem for everyone. They have caused severe effects on the lives of both children and their parents. Children who grew up in a home associated with substance abuse will have a higher risk of using drugs and alcohol in the future. It may also lead to generations of alcohol and drug addiction within the family. There are currently millions of cases that children suffer the most when it comes to the adverse effects of the said harmful habit.

Reports and Studies

 

There are research studies which show that children whose parents have issues regarding misuse of drugs and alcoholism are three times more susceptible to emotional, sexual, and physical abuse. They are also more likely to be victims of bullying. It is due to the unusual behaviors that the children display when they are away from home, and the awful experiences regarding their parents are the reason behind it, leaving these children mentally and physically scarred throughout their life.

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What It Does

Some cases show a considerable effect of behavioral problems due to parental substance addiction. Drugs and alcohol create a long-term negative impact on a person that damages his brain functionality. A study was initiated to observe the lives of selected youths under the age of 25 whose parents had drug and alcohol issues, and it showed immense disappointing results. The effects of drug and alcohol abuse were mostly similar. However, drug abuse had higher ratings for bringing anxiety and shame. Alcohol, on the other hand, had more substantial results regarding domestic violence and parental neglect.

 

The drug and alcohol problem of their parents caused significant difficulties in most of the selected youths. The majority felt that their parents were unable to sustain the growth of their emotional needs. Most of the chosen kids also felt the need to become responsible in an earlier phase of life despite their young age. It shortens their childhood by a significant margin due to the ever-growing relationship problems of their parents. They put notable importance in informal relationships and use them as a source of support, which, most of the time, are unreliable and conditional.

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Most of the youth have parents with relationship issues and married life dilemmas. Some have parents that are already divorced. The selected children have a lot in common regarding their goals and dreams in the future including owning a house, having a good job, being involved in a loving relationship, and having an ideal family of their own far from what they experienced. 

On The Bright Side

In a positive sense, the selected youth have shown considerable adaptability and resilience on how to unravel their problems despite the painful circumstances. Their experiences somehow gave them the advantage of overcoming the toughest challenges in their lives. Not all children who struggle with parents with substance abuse end up a failure. Some of them use their early maturity to make the corresponding right decision that changes their life in the long run.

After reading this article, we hope that parents who have problems (such as mentioned above) try to ask for help and counseling. It will not only benefit the relationship between you and your spouse, but it will also give you a chance to encourage your children to have a fully functional developmental growth.

What Can Divorce Do To A Child?

It is known that divorce has an impact on children that affect their mental and behavioral progress. Research shows that most kids with divorced parents have a complex personality that comes from a perplexed environment. Parent-child interaction suffers and results in a negative response due to the alarming development of a child’s emotional distress.

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Children with divorced parents have encountered difficulty in understanding complex situations and ended up becoming more dependent on others. They eventually lose their self-esteem and develop an irregularity in social interaction and communication. During this time, they often see negative points of view and disregard positive variables on personal life enhancement. They find it hard to incorporate ideas and fail to process good behavior. They will demand emotional support and use it as a tool to get attention from the people around them. They have a lingering sympathology that affects their sense of equilibrium, hindering their ability to adapt to an altering environment.

What Children Try To Understand

Divorced parents often do not initiate a moment to explain to their child the reason for the separation. As a result, the child tries to speculate negative ideas and tries to blame himself. In fact, most cases of marital conflict leave the child out of the issue since both parents think that the subject should only revolve around them. In line with that, the child is left baffled and wondering why his parents have ended the relationship. He then builds a conclusion that something is wrong not only in the house but including the things that affect their whole bond as a family (and sometimes, kids often think that it started with them). They somehow push themselves to their limits and integrate an ideology that is not even related to the situation. Consequently, they try to establish an emotional boundary to understand why parents involve them in a devastating position.

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Why Kids Can’t Handle Divorce

A child needs both his parents to support his mental and psychological growth. However, altering and stressing out the positive balance of his mind can create a huge problem in his development. It affects his capacity to understand situational issues that give him too much suffering in the emotional aspects. The child can suffer from extreme sadness that he often isolates himself. 

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Kids can’t handle divorce because they are too afraid to choose between their parents. They don’t want to become a burden because they somehow know the frightening process of adjustment that they need to undergo. Though children are unique, the common reason why they don’t like their parents to get separated is that they won’t be able to handle the emptiness they’ll feel. They don’t want to be alone and left out. 

A child needs both of his parents to develop his wellbeing thoroughly, and if the process gets altered, he may lose all the chances to get a better mental and psychological development. As parents, it is their sole duty to let their kids understand the importance of balance and feed their child with emotional care.

How Divorce Affects A Parent-Child Interaction

Children’s emotional and mental health is affected by divorce, and as much as parents would want to keep them from having such as distressful wellbeing, they can no longer retrieve the damage it will cause their child. The divorce itself is not the reason why a child suffers from a mental and emotional breakdown; it is the psychological need that was left unassisted. Therefore, it creates a lot of complications that only parents and health care professionals can help with.

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Consequence Of Divorce To A Child

The effects of divorce vary in most cases, and a child who is experiencing the event may encounter different healthcare needs. He tends to provide himself enough courage to change his behavioral aspects to be able to overthrow the emotional neglect that he spontaneously feels. Though some adjustments may take time to inject, both a young kid and adolescent may seem to have a standard approach to dealing with the problem. The intense feeling of loss and grief doubles up from the usual, and he soon develops a ridiculous amount of fear for neglect. In most cases, a child loses the ability to handle conflicts and ends up in isolation. He entirely sees the situation as a result of his misbehavior and feels responsible for the divorce. The marital conflict may result in the child becoming negatively unaware of his behavioral changes, creating dysfunctional progress to his overall development.

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Effect Of Divorce On Parents

Parents on the other hand (in most cases) have a brief processing condition that somehow abandons emotional stability. They often focus on the issue of divorce without considering a little bit of understanding of what their child has been dealing with. They have this eagerness to resolve the marital issue without noticing its effects on their child. Though they sometimes know what the emotional struggles of their kid are, they still lack the potential to create resolutions. As a result, parents lose their connection to their child and damage the parent-child interaction. Since it creates an emotional struggle for parents as well, they tend to appear more distant from their kid because of the stress and depression that divorce has brought them. The long-term effect of emotional neglect will most likely be devastating, and it will somehow remain unresolved. 

The Long-term Effect

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Both parents and child can have a long-term effect on the case of divorce. They will soon end up neglecting their feelings and losing emotional attachment at some point. They’ll focus more on the negative results rather than look forward on the positive side. They will be prone to judgment and trauma that will affect their decision-making. They will also develop behavioral problems that might be hard to change or eliminate in the long run.

However, not all situations are alike, and there’s still a possibility that parents and child can generally adjust to the position. Though it is possible, it will still require a healthy psychological and emotional balance to be able to adapt to the process easily. Both parents and their child can have the ability to create a nurturing environment by merely working towards the intense emotional awareness they both have.

Effective Parenting Techniques That Reduce Child Behavioral Issues

Most children require different types of approach to discipline so parents should understand how to implement an encouraging positive behavior. They must provide a healthy environment for their kids to promote long-term impacts on their well-being. A behavioral parenting technique can give parents a chance to help their kids develop their skills at all levels. This way, children can prepare themselves for handling their school, home, and environment.

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There are simple strategies that parents can work on to be able to provide the necessary implementation of rules and policies which can be used to promote positive behavior. These methods will increase a child’s healthy respect and confidence that is beneficial for his overall development.

Be A Role Model – Parents must understand that a child’s behavior is based on interaction. He tends to learn a lot of things by imitating adults. Parents should set an example on showing their kid the different types of social communication that correlate on good manners so he can quickly adapt to the proper behavioral approach. Adults that use respectful words (such as please, thank you, God bless you, etc.) will create a lasting impression of positive behavior on their kids. 

Acknowledge Your Child’s Good Behavior – Children see things differently, and when you praise their behavior, they tend to do it more often. Rewarding and acknowledging your child’s behavior will give them an encouragement to keep it up. Frequent use of positive feedback on the good things that they do can motivate them to become productive and attentive. Parents can also include positive responses based on body language such high-five, smile, pat on the back, thumbs up, hug, etc. 

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Understand Your Child’s Emotions – It is necessary to invest in a child’s emotional behavior. It will help parents reach out to their kids while increasing parental monitoring. An emphatic statement is required since kids are relatively more sensitive than adults. They can use a personalized approach while dealing with conflicts or use consistent routine when handling their tantrums. They must be careful with their choice of words to avoid emotional and stressful outcomes. 

Allow Minor Mistakes – There is always room for small mistakes and parents should let it go. Allowing the flow of natural consequences will give your child a chance to work on his blunders and learn how to change them positively. Parents must avoid becoming too much in control of trying to convince a child to manage his actions correctly. They must have to be considerate enough to allow slip-ups so children can learn how to make better choices in life. 

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Adjust Your Kids’ Environment – The child’s acceptable behavior can reflect on the environment that he is provided with. Parents must promote a safe and engaging atmosphere to create a transparent and reasonable expectation of their kid’s performance. They must learn how to organize a place where children can work, play and rest. They should understand the importance of bad and good things that can influence their child. 

Not all techniques are equally applicable to children and parents may find it hard to implement such strategies. However, determining a suitable and manageable behavioral plan can contribute to effective parenting.

 

Facts about Parent-Child Interaction Therapy

Parent-Child Interaction Therapy or PCIT is a type of intermediation designed for children, which focuses on fixing and decreasing child behavior problems such as defiance or aggression. It increases positive parent behavior while improving the quality of family (parent-child) relationship.

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Adults learn and practice techniques, which relate to children’s behavioral and emotional problems, communication issues, mental disorders, and developmental handicaps. The process involves a combination of play therapy and behavioral therapy for children and their parents, guardians or caregivers.

How PCIT Works

The effects of PCIT aim to build a better relationship between a child and his/her parents, guardian or caregiver.  The child may or will show behavior improvements by practicing new ways of communication that are encouraging and reassuring thus reducing the negative behavior. Consistency in practice will also improve confidence while lowering anger levels and aggression. It promotes individuality improvement and interaction for the parent and child.  

It is advisable for children with:

  • Problem behaviors in school or daycare
  • Inability to comply with directions or discipline
  • Frequent Temper Tantrums
  • Aggression toward others including family, guardians, and caregivers
  • Defiance
  • Swearing
  • Negative Attitude

CDI and PDI

The techniques below are ways to execute PCIT

CDI or Child-Directed Interaction: Parents will learn guidelines on how to interact with their child. The parent-child relationship establishment will be more extensive and authoritative as they praise, imitate, and reflect on the child.

PDI or Parent-Directed Interaction: This is where parents learn how to gain authority over their child, direct specific instructions, and how to bestow consequences with consistency. It is precisely appropriate for scenarios where the child is disruptive or unruly.

Expectation

Parents, guardians, or caregivers interact and play with the children in a room. The therapist will observe and coach from a one-way mirrored adjacent room. The parent and therapist will communicate through an earphone for the instruction of guidance and training. Parents, guardians, and caregivers are to praise the positive behavior with enthusiasm. They are also discouraged from using negative language while ignoring any harmless negative behavior. They also learn skills such as demonstrating approval by imitating the child’s appropriate actions, increasing the child’s vocabulary by describing what he/she is doing out loud, and child language reflection to help better communication.

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When is it Used?

PCIT is appropriate and effective for children from ages 2 to 7 who exhibit disruptive and unruly behavior, who experienced trauma, ADHD, ODD, intellectual disability, and those who are on the autism disorder spectrum. PCIT and other programs which utilize PCIT are evidence-proven interventions for child abuse prevention and neglect. They have efficiently decreased children’s risk of antisocial and criminal behavior while transitioning to adulthood.

Efficacy

Scientific and medical research proves that PCIT can improve the conduct-disorder behavior of children in preschool age. After the therapy, the child’s behavior will be within the natural range. Additionally, there are observable changes in parent ratings. It is the same for observational evaluation of children’s behavior problems. Research has also shown essential and significant changes in the parent-children play situations’ style of interaction. If you want to know more about parent-child interaction, you can check out BetterHelp for information. 

Biggest Signs That Indicate Your Child Needs Therapy

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From being happy and energetic to being naughty and carefree, there are a lot of things that kids are notorious for concerning their behaviors. But aside from these, they are also known for something else, and that is being secretive. Childhood is different for everyone, and what’s easy for us may not be easy for them. Since kids these days are more exposed to things that can affect them negatively, it is our duty as adults to be mindful not only of the things that they are sharing with us but also those that they keep to themselves. It can be hard to know when a kid needs professional help, but it is possible.  

What we’re going to discuss today are some of the most common red flags that you have to look out for to find out if your child is in crisis or not.  It will give you an idea and an understanding of why there is a need for observation on a child’s different behaviors. You can read the following details provided below.

 

Your Child Is Acting Out 

It’s normal for kids to be unpredictable and hardheaded sometimes.But if the incidents concerning his behavior have started to escalate and become more frequent then maybe something is up.  Look out for situations such as talking back to older people, hitting their siblings or classmates, and shouting at everyone. Never tolerate your child’s bad behavior whether it’s at school or at home because it might be a sign that a more pressing issue is going on.

 

A Change In Sleeping And Eating Habits 

Another red flag that parents should watch out for is if there are drastic changes in their sleeping and eating patterns. These changes include longer or shorter sleep time, nightmares, binge-eating, skipping meals, and stomachaches.  If your child often experiences these things, then there’s something wrong going on. But don’t jump to any conclusions first. It is recommended that you see your child’s doctor first to know if there’s a physical condition that causes the problem. If none, then it’s time to find a therapist that could help.

 

Withdrawal From Friends 

One of the more dangerous signs of crisis among children is if they started avoiding their friends. It is typical for kids to fight with their peers sometimes. But if your kid starts telling that he has no friends or that he/she is a loser, then it’s time for you to step up and help.  Depression is also common among children, so don’t let your kid fall that far. 

 

Talks A Lot About Dying Or Death 

It’s normal for a kid to explore the idea of death. However, if your kid starts thinking or talking about it too much then that’s a major red flag.  If you think he/she might be having suicidal thoughts then get help as soon as you can.

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These four are just some of the most prominent signs you need to look out for to know whether your child needs therapy and other forms of professional help or not.  Always keep them in mind so you’ll be able to help your child as much as you can.

Building a Positive Environment for Child Developmental Growth

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Do you let your child see when you and your partner are arguing? Are you living in a neighborhood where there are brawls and fights are common? If you have a child and the answer is yes, then this article is must read for you. It shows how the environment can shape your child’s developmental path.

The environment plays a significant role in shaping our child developing his/her behavior and learning. This environment encompasses places such as home, school, neighborhood, and areas where your child will spend time in. In this case, parents must ensure that they can strive for a conducive environment to help nurture their child’s positive developmental growth. 

Guidelines For Creating A Positive Environment

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The home is the first and primary environment that will affect his/her personality. The first thing the child sees and feels are all found here. It is a must that the child feels the emotional connection with their parents through the early years. It will help regarding his/her confidence and how to express their emotions such as love and appreciation. A loving home will teach the child how to connect with others and build their personality positively.

It is a given that their parents will be the child’s first teacher. As their first teacher, it is essential that they create a stimulating environment that will promote the child’s skill and development. Build a relaxing and positive home to help them concentrate and learn significantly during studies. Form a quiet home devoid of unnecessary noises which can affect concentration from studying. Parents should also help them explore, even if it is within the bounds of your home. It will encourage the child to think, ask questions, and find solutions, thus helping them gain experience and knowledge.

The relationship that parents share with each other has significant effects on a child’s emotional growth. It is because the parents are the closest people to the child and the first couple they will know. How parents love and respect each other will promote the child’s fondness to learn how to interact, respect, and value others. Small gestures such as hugging and holding hands are some ways to express affection.

Living in an overcrowded environment can cause adverse effects on a child’s personality and behavior. Having too many home members can reduce the time parents spend with their child. It can result in the child emotionally distancing themselves from their parents early in life due to the lack of time. Make it a habit of taking them out for a walk if there is no time and space at home or going for activities the parent and child can appreciate together. Make sure to have enough time to spend and connect with your child.

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Although it is not possible to create every positive environmental quality for your child’s behavior and developmental growth, you as parents should strive the best of what you can do to develop such a place for them. It is for the sake of their future as competent individuals. 

Useful Tips On How To Convince Your Child To Undergo Counseling

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Booking your child’s first ever appointment with a therapist is pretty daunting, right? Now imagine what it’s like for your kid. They might feel confused, scared, and even angry at you for doing it without their consent.  While it’s understandable that you’re only doing it for their wellness, it is also vital that you can explain to them what counseling is for and why they need to go through it. Lucky for you, there are several tips you can follow to convince your child to undergo counseling. Written below are some of the things that you can do to help your kid see that counseling is a good thing. On that note, do read on.

Explain What A Counselor Is 

One of the easiest ways to explain what counseling is to your child is to explain what a counselor does. Tell your kid that counselors are like their grown-up friends that they can confide in when they get sad or when they feel like they are stuck. The same thing goes if you have a teenager in the house that needs help. Explain that these people are there to help and not to judge them for the thoughts inside their head or for the things they did. Tell them that the counselor can help them overcome what’s making them suffer.

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Tell Them That It’s Okay To Take Things Slowly 

One of the things that most kids are afraid of when it comes to meeting with counselors is the fact that they have to share personal stuff about them even though it makes themuncomfortable. Tell your child that they can choose not to talk with the counselor during their first meeting.  They can just sit there and play cards, try other games,or just read a book. There are therapists out there who can use that time of being ignored to observe how kids move and react to things. Tell them its okay to be reluctant at first, but don’t forget to encourage them to make a connection with the therapist too so that they can open up when the time is right. 

 

Be Open And Explain To Them Why They Need To Do It 

Sometimes it’s better to stop sugarcoating things and just tell your kid why you’re worried. Yes, things might become harder because of that but sometimes being open is what allows you to finally reach out to them and make them see why you had to ask for a professional’s help. Tell them why you’re worried but do your best not to make it sound like you’re judging them.  The last thing you want is to make them feel like it’stheir fault. 

 

These are just some of the many things you can tell your kid when you want to convince them to undergo counseling. Of course, it won’t be easy, but you have to talk to him.  You have to explain why it’s a good thing and reassure him that you will be there all the way. Check out BetterHelp for more info about the importance of counseling.

 

How To Choose The Perfect Therapist For Your Child

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Seeking help for your child’s mental health is something that you should take seriously. You must be able to find the right therapist that can help your kid cope with whatever it is that’s making things difficult for him. Unfortunately, finding the perfect licensed professional that your child can get along with is pretty hard and daunting especially if you’re doing it for the first time.

Luckily, some ways can show you how to do it, and we have them right here. Here’s some information that BetterHelp had compiled for you so you know more about the kind of therapist you should consider for your child. 

Do Your Research 

The first step you should consider is doing a personal research. You can either ask the school’s counselor or any of your family and friends for recommendations. In addition to that, you can also do some research online. Find as many child therapists around your area as possible and make a list of candidates out of them. 

Gather Information 

The next thing you should do is to get relevant information about the candidates on your list. You can contact them and ask questions that you think can help in finding the appropriate therapist that suits the needs of your child. Ask about their rate, their license, their accreditations and insurance, your insurance, and if they could provide reviews from past patients. Then you can start trimming your list by eliminating those you think are unqualified. 

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Ask Them Questions 

You can also ask your potential child therapists things about how they’re going to help your child. Question them about similar experiences in the pasts, their philosophy and training methods, the way they treat their patients, how they form a connection with their patients, and how you can be involved with the whole thing. These questions are important because you need to make your child feel as comfortable as possible when it comes to talking to a stranger about his problems.It is also another opportunity for you to find which therapists will be good for your child and which ones aren’t. After asking them questions, make sure to trim your list down to the best three candidates.

Set Up A Consultation 

Gather everything you know about your child’s condition and visit each of the candidates. Make sure you were able to compile all of your concerns about your kid and ask those therapists what they can do to help. It is also your chance to get a feel of what each therapy session would be. After paying all of them a visit, then it would be the time to choose which of them is more capable of delivering quality services. 

These steps should allow you to pick the right therapist for your child.  But if things don’t go as expected then don’t worry because sometimes it’s more of a trial and error thing.  Don’t throw away your list of candidates in case you’ll need to contact the others. Just don’t give up and you’ll find the right therapist that can help your child.