How Not To Give Your Kids Mental Health Problems

I have been a fan of Demi Lovato ever since her Camp Rock days. I used to think that she was telling the story of my life through some of her hit songs, such as Skyscraper, Warrior, and Give Your Heart A Break. Then, before singing Let It Go, she released the Gift Of A Friend, which was an OST for one of the Tinker Bell movies. Up to this day, whenever I needed music to pump my energy and wake me up, Demi’s songs would be blasting through my speakers, I would sing along at the top of my lungs. (Don’t judge me!)

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The thing is, I am among those fans who continue to support someone’s music despite their questionable behavior. However, as the years passed, I could not help but notice that the pop star’s image started going dark. Everyone thought that it was an artistic move, but then Demi admitted to drinking and abusing substances, to the extent that she needed to sign up to a rehabilitation facility.

What’s triggering her to do all that despite the outpouring of love and support from her fans, you might ask? Well, it was evident in a couple of songs like Father and For The Love Of A Daughter from the Unbroken album that Demi had deep-seated resentment towards her father. Even though he already passed away, she could not get over the trauma that he caused to her as a child.

Reality Check

Many people could relate to Demi Lovato’s life story, considering many came from broken families. To say that they merely had Daddy issues was undermining the reality that a parent’s action could leave a lasting impression on a child. It would have been cool if it made the latter wiser or want to have better relations, but that’s not the case. Such an experience often caused the kids to develop mental health problems.

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As a mother, it was challenging to imagine my kids going through the same thing as my favorite pop star. Demi’s family must feel helpless when they learned about her struggles but could not do much to help her get over them. If I was in their position, I might have cried day and night and never left my children out of my sight.

Nevertheless, since the kids were still too young, I tried to think of the things I could do to ensure that I won’t give them mental health problems.

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Watch The Words

Before having kids, I used to be more carefree with my word choices. It was effortless for my friends and me to hurl the F word to each other whenever we met as if it was the most normal thing to do. We also made insensitive comments about various people or things that I admittedly did not think about before.

But when I gave birth to a smart little girl who went through a lengthy phase of copying everything she heard, my husband and I became more mindful of our words. We wanted to shield her from F-bombs as much as we could and preserve her innocence. After all, the worst-case scenario was that our kid would end up a racist or depressive person.

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Avoid Fighting In Front Of The Children

No one—not even me—could have a perfect marriage. Although our fights happened every four months or so, my husband and I made a pact that we would only argue away from the children’s eyes. Whenever we’re in front of them, we always tried to be peaceful and loving so that that’s what our kids would learn to be while growing up.

Sometimes, it was difficult to hide my annoyance or frustration because guys tend to do silly things that they didn’t know were silly. For instance, my husband mixed the whites with colored clothes when I asked him to do the laundry one time. No matter how I wanted to yell at him, I practically smiled through it all. The only consolation was that our kids would not have traumatic memories of us fighting in front of them.

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Stay Away From Vices

Before having kids, I smoked and enjoyed happy hour at bars every week. I always knew my limits, but it felt as if I could not live without cigarettes and alcohol. The same goes for my husband.

When the children came, we stopped using both substances at once because they were probably causes of congenital disabilities and diseases. The sudden change was more challenging for my husband since he did not need to carry our babies full term. However, once he saw our angels, I did not have to ask him twice—he stayed away from vices immediately.

Final Thoughts

I could not tell if our combined efforts would be practical until our kids probably turn 18 years old. But as far as I could see, they were open to us about their issues. I guess that’s a promising start.

 

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